the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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