I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize