RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
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I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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