I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
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Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
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I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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