is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
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Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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