just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
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I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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