the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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