May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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