I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
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I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize