Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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