Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize