all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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