So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize