I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
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I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
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I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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