She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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