Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
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Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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