I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
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I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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