My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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