I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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