Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize