Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
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Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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