My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize