I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize