he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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