Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize