she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
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she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
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I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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