Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
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My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
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Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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