By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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