I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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