Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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