After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
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I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
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That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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