I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm experimenting with sincerity
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize