didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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