Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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