She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
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my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
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He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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