I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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