I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
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I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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