I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize