I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
All the doctor said was why
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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