woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We left the knife in your bed.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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