Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
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I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
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I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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