life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
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Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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