Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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