Already got asked if we're dating
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
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you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
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There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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