my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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