end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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