I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
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I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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