You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize