Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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