its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
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I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
COCAINE IS GR8
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize